If
I could get another chance
Another
walk, another dance with him
I’d
play a song that would never, ever end
How
I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again
***
It
was my seventeenth birthday, on November 4 2010, three years ago. I woke up at
5.00 a.m sharp. There was no something special happened, just as usual. Even I
hoped there is something happened to me. But, unfortunately, I just dreamt. So,
I kept doing all my activities as I’ve done every day. Then, I got up from my
bed and started to face my day. Smiled and kept cheerful, I wished the day will
be my day, best day ever after.
My
mom just smiled when she saw me. She tried to joke with me. Her expression made
me laughing, because it was really funny to see her. I moved closer to her in
the kitchen. She’d been cooking for our breakfast that time. She opened her
arms widely, and I closed up my body in her hug. And, she kissed my hair, and
whispered smoothly in my ear, “A very happy birthday, darl.” There was no
special phrase actually. That utterance was so usual, wasn’t it? However, if
you know, it was a great congratulation. I was not care about the words, but I
was only care with her love. Because I know, she did not need to give me a
great gift, and I did not need a gift from her too. We just need to love each
other. And I was grateful on my day, I still got it. After that, she asked me
to be hurry. So, I took bath directly and breakfast.
***
Different
with my mom, my dad decided to keep silent in front of me. He did not say
anything. Did he forget today? Did he forget my birthday? He said no much. And
it worked to make me annoyed. How can he did not say Happy Birthday to me?
Until he ushered me to school, he did not say even a special word. I won’t talk with you, dad.. I said to
myself when he walked away. Oh, today
will pass bored, I think. So, I really was not care, even did not wish
something special happened with me next. My dad had given a signal if there was
no celebration.
***
I
went home so limp. Activities, test, and homework during at school made me
saturated. I need refreshing, and I decided to take a nap when arrived home.
After lunch, I directly got in my room. How surprised I am that time, when I
looked inside. There were a lot of balloons hanging on the ceiling with the
ribbon dangled down. I counted the number of balloons. There were
one..two..three..four.. a hundred balloons fulfilled my ceiling. Colorful! And
when I looked into my bed, there were a bucket of white roses and a teddy bear.
A huge teddy bear! I walked closer to my bed, took the flowers and bear. I
wanna scream, really! Who is that make
this? Asked to myself. And when I turned around, I saw my dad stood there
and bringing a birthday cake. I closed my mouth and tears began to stream down
my face. He smiled and singing a birthday song.
When
he reached my place, I could see there was a utterance on the cake, Happy birthday my little dearest angle.
I could not hold the tears anymore, so I cried and hugged him directly. He
caressed my hair, and said, “Happy seventeen actually.. oh look! How mature you
are now! But, you will always be my little angle.” He released his hug and
wiped the tears.
“And
you will always be my superman!” I replied. He laughed to hear that.
“Am
I like superman?” He asked, trying to joke with me.
“Yup!”
“Really?
Let me check whether I have a wings and wear underwear outside?” He reflected in
my mirror. “I think, I am batman, dear.” He said again.
“Batman?”
I asked
“Yeah!
Because I have this!” He took my prom night mask.
“Hahahaaa…
you are so funny, dad!”
“Have
you just known?” He kept trying to joke. And I ran into his hug again. He
hugged me tightly. Then I whispered, “God, don’t let this moment fleeting.” And
he said, “Amen.”
***
Back when I
was a child
Before life
removed all the innocence
My father would
lift me high
And dance
with my mother and me and then
It
has almost been three years since he was gone. I can still remember him when he
ushered me to school, cooked me my favorite dishes, talked with me about
nature, about life, about him, about me, about love, about us. Also, I can
still smell his perfume and hear his voice. I’ve missed him as much as his
love. I’ve missed the way he looked at me. I’ve missed the moment we spared
time to enjoy and drink a cup of cappuccino on terrace. And I’ve missed when he
held my hands. However, all of those things already pass. They are just
memories this time.
It
is almost three years since he gone. I can still remember the day he left, on
May 25 2011. God called him at 05.30 p.m. And he was gone forever. Today is my
twentieth birthday, on November 4 2013. It means 550 days since he was gone. I
can still imagine how we—me and my mom—had to release him forever. It has been
hard for us. I’ve looked how my mom really loss him and beaten. The first three
months, I looked how often she was crying in her room.
Sometimes
I’d listen outside her door
And I’d
hear how my mama crying for him
I pray for
her even more than me
I pray for
her even more than me
It
is almost three years since he was gone. My love is never fade for him…
Spin me
around till I fell asleep
Then up the
stairs he would carry me
And I knew
for sure
I was loved
It
is almost three years since he was gone. And today I came to his cemetery and
bringing a bucket of white roses and birthday cake. I walked closer to him. I
put the flower and cake on the cemetery. I prayed for a while, then sang the
birthday song, blew the cake’s candles. Alone. There were no you there. And,
tears began to stream down on my face. Alone.
If I could
steal one final glance
One final
step, one final dance with him
I’d play a
song that would never, ever end
Cause I’d
love, love, love to dance with my father again
-Dedicated to my beloved father, Iskandar Djayadi.
Hope God always loves you, Dad. And I love you for
yesterday, today, and forever-
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